The one bad thing about watching so much playoff hockey is that we have seen the same handful of commercials roughly 450 times each. If I see those mangy kids say, "Nice save, Mom!" after she gets an Enterprise Rent-A-Car I may punch one of my nuts off. The only time we get relief is if we DVR the game and skip over this bs or if we sit at the Tavern and watch the games without sound. Actually watching the games without sound doesn't help much when the annoying banter is already burned into your head and Bressler sits next to you and sings the jingle from the Dockers San Francisco commercial.
Since we can't escape it we might as well have an open and honest discussion about what good and bad as far as some selected ads on the NHL on Versus.
Good: The Dockers San Francisco commercial
I like it because of the song. It's a nice little ditty to play when traveling around with a guy who wears different pants and is basically living a white guy's fantasy life. He's going to his great job and flying a kite with a kid who sneaky looks like me, then he's on the rooftop with some ridiculous looking chick and the next day he playing golf at some course that overlooks the Golden Gate Bridge. I wonder why they didn't have him drinking coffee with his pals at the local Starbucks? Why not show him making some power gesture in a boardroom? That's what us white folk do, Dockers!
Random thought:
How far away is that guy putting from? He takes a 3/4 swing on the green like he's 140 yards out.
Bad: The KFC Snackers commercial
Oh this one kills me. Watch this commercial and keep your eye on the blond girl. She is so smug and happy that she is eating a $1 Snacker. I want to kick her in the shins for overacting. I actually don't really know why I hate this commercial but it bothers me to no end. Maybe it because I secretly want to live at this cool apt. complex and talk to my smooth black friend and attractive blond friend while they sit on the stairs and eat chicken and crack wise. Shouldn't this guy have a hip Asian friend with spiky hair and a track jacket hanging around? That is the way ad execs see mid 20 Americans. And don't tell me you need 2 hands to eat one of those. They're tiny!
Random thought:
Watch the way the blond shows off her xtra cheesy Snacker. She so fucking proud of that sandwich. Extra cheesy. I hope she gets bitten by a mummy.
Good: The Dodge commercial where they fold out a big slip n slide
Slip and slides = Awesome times. I hope my sister SNemmy chimes in the comments about our backyard where we grew up. To run on our slide we had to start on these patio tiles before we got to the grass. So weak. The next commercial for Dodge should be after they give us a minivan and let the 2Man travel all over North America for our show. We can see how much Budweiser we can keep in those sneaky under-the-seat coolers. Then we can show Stu Barnes doing donuts in Andy Van Hellemond's front yard.
Random thought:
I don't think they put down a mat underneath the tarp. You can't slide down the road on just the tarp! Even if you grab that huge inflatable gorilla you'll still burn your tits off.
The Bad: The Dodge commercial with the U.S. women's soccer team
Women's soccer? Why couldn't they make the commercial about the U.S. Men's World Junior team going up to Canada for a rematch? That would have pumped me up. Vamos La!
Random thought:
1) It burns me that when they are reviewing the last U.S. vs. Brazil game on the overhead dvd player some lady is in the back laughing and not paying attention. Get focused!
2) Every time I see the two minivans role through the streets of South America somewhere I keep thinking they are going to get ambushed by some rebels with rpgs like in Clear and Present Danger.
The Good: The Edge commercial with the ladies who skyrocket into my nose
Hot chicks dancing in foam? Girls with aloe guns? Get Some!
Random thought:
I haven't done a deep dive here because I can take my eyes away from the girls dancing with the foam backpacks or the cleavage on the main rocket girl. I'm retarded.
The Bad: The Honda lawnmower
Can't we do better than this? I'm kinda impressed by the way the mower cuts the grass twice and bags it for me but this shouldn't be on during a prime time hockey game. Put anything on instead. Show the commercial with the badass Marines or the sailors on the deck of an aircraft carrier.
Random thought:
Not to dwell on the Edge commercial but after watching the commercial again I think the jetpack ladies were all the same lady. You may have fooled me with Full House, Hollywood, but you won't get me again! I'm probably wrong.
BTW I had a dream last night that I was called up to play for the Calgary Flames because Ronnie Stern and Tim Hunter got into a fight in practice and their eyes were swollen shut. It was one of those recurring dreams where no matter how hard I try I cannot get onto the ice on time. Something always happens where I am delayed like I break a lace or can find a shin pad. I keep hearing the buzzers and crowd noises from inside the locker room but I can put my stuff on to get out there. If anyone has a minor in psyche please analyze this dream for me.
The Bad: Mike's Hard Lemonade
I don't know who drinks hard lemonade. I'm trying to picture the demographic and I'm drawing a blank. I know people who enjoy a Magner's or Bulmer's cider but I've never seen a Mike's Hard Lemonade in person. Anyways, this commercial tries to make hard lemonade seem tough because they pick on a guy who likes soy milk or something. Our buddy, B.T. Gilmer would call this one "toothless".
Random thought:
I can't wait until we do a 2Man "Cribs" episode at Simon Gagne's house and he has a case and half of of this shit in his fridge. It's gonna happen.
The Good: Some promo for an upcoming fight between a long-haired guy and Jens Pulver
Two guys punching each other and a shot of a bearded Pulver flipping a monster truck tire = Sure. I'm not sure if it will live up to it's billing as the best best featherweight fight in history because that honor goes to Mr. W vs. Brad McGann in the fountain in Washington Square Park.
Random thought:
I really like the mixed martial arts stuff. I can't watch the garbage ones like the shit on UPN where two out of shape idiots throw Reggie Miller haymakers and hug it out for 2 rounds but the UFC is cool. If I wanted to watch two fat guys get into a sloppy fight I would saddle up to Burns Bar in Stamford and put 5 bucks I the jukebox.
I know I am missing some big commercials here and I can't be the only one who is ruined by this garbage during hockey. Bress should have the recap of last night's game up in the morning so I'll save my thoughts for the comment section but I'll just say this:
My new hero is Mike Richards.
-Nemmy
Friday, May 16, 2008
Nocturnal Emission
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20 comments:
I don't know who drinks hard lemonade.
100 pound Asian girls in college.
The Dodge commercial with the U.S. women's soccer team
I kinda liked that one... but just the first 5 times I saw it. I'm sooooo thankful for my DVR. It truly is a great invention.
Do they show that George Foreman commercial on Versus or is that only the NHL Network? I feel like they're running together.
It's like a sound ya hear that lingers in ya ear
- sneaky
I HATE that Enterprise Rent-A-Car commercial. The Enterprise dude looks like he is wearing a suit that his parents bought him a couple sizes too big so he could grow into it.....and I think they are going to be waiting awhile for that to happen. I want to punch him everytime I see him answer that damn phone!!!
more important than the slip & slide in that dodge commercial was the cooler that was under the seat/in the center console...far too long for that to just be coming out. Also, that guy who is fighting pulver is supposed to be the real deal...we will see on June 1st, but I heard he can scrap.
I heard a story that he fought off 12 guys in a bar fight in Indonesia.
Dockers song: Marlena Shaw - California Soul
"the economic situation"
nemmy, i was just having this same conversation a few days ago with my roommate as we were watching the game. we realized that we knew all the words to every commercial.
a couple observations:
KFC commercials always have a white and a black guy hanging out.
I downloaded that Marlena Shaw song last week - classic late 60s soul.
also, these versus are a welcome change from the normal comcast sportsnet local DC commercials. If I heard the Pulte Homes Intermission Report commercial one more time, i was going to put my fist through the TV: "we're building something together, something special, something to see, a home, a life, together..." punch me in the balls.
I am victory.
I am defeat.
I am victory.
I am defeat.
I am victory.
I am defeat.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Next time you watch the snacker commercial pay attention to end when the do a close up of the sandwiches. One of the pieces of lettuce is actually a dollar bill.
Thank you for doing this post. I have the same feelings. And
@A poorly organized band of hockey fanatics: Amen. That one is infuriating. And it's Val Kilmer's pompous voice, right?
Enterprise Rent-A-Car: This one's been around FOR-EV-ER. Fucking hate it. And I hate two big things:
1) at the beginning, he car appears to almost be on fire and there's a HUGE sign that says "REPAIR SHOP" and she says, "Hello, Enterprise? I'm at the repair shop and I need to rent a car." I always add, "I know I'm at the repair shop because there's a huge effing sign that says REPAIR SHOP." My wife doesn't think I'm funny anymore.
2) When the mongrel kids give the "nice save, mom" line, where is mom parked? On the goddamn field? Get out of your car, you lazy ass!
As for the stupid Chrylser commercials, the women's soccer team is watching themselves get humbled 4-0. Seriously, if you're losing 4-0 in soccer, you're gonna need like six rematches to begin to make it respectable.
And as for the Edge commercials, they're awesome when they have aloe-shooting jet-packs, but when they go into the dude's nose? Kind of gross.
The Direct Buy commercial strikes me as something I'd see between innings on a jumbo tron at a minor league game.
They are so nubbins that they couldn't even get directbuy.com, they have directbuyamerica.com
The Enterprise Rent A Car commercial is so old, those soccer playing kids are in college now.
Good Commercial:
Verizon Wireless when the wife says it's fantasy night and the husband dresses up as a Flyers goalie
I was just telling a friend today that being a hockey fan means watching the same damn four commercials for two months.
On the Enterprise commercial, if always been bothered by the fact that this woman has two kids, wearing two different jerseys, who need to be at the same fields at the same time. Good fucking luck.
Not so sure about the Edge gel commercials. Anyone else bothered by the one chick getting hit in the face with the white stuff? I mean there's a time and place and I'm not sure the second period intermission is that time or place.
do yall up north not have the great "hello hello how are you" boating commercials with the family waving at people in public and the people getting freaked out but its okay to say hi on the boat? that song gets me all the time.
i do love the game 7 commercials with the celing fan. "good luck getting to sleep" or something like that.
@ connie:
I'm almost positive that the George Foreman commercial is just the NHL Network.
That one Edge commercial gave me more questions than answers. Hot chicks, yes, that works, but the image of them dancing inside the nose kind of disturbed me. Did they bring that disco ball with them or was it already there?
Your dream is a simple anxiety dream that I've lived with for a long time. Whether it's showing up for a game against Edmonton or a golf match with Ray Bourque or an important meeting, a variety of wacky things happen that prevent you from "getting it done". I'll leave it at that, but it's completely normal. For me. And everyone else here in the institution.
Why are you looking at me!?!?
Chiming in on the topic of our backyard and commercials.
First our backyard. The best part of our backyard was the fact that Dad built, from scratch, an elaborate doghouse that was a replica of our own house. It was the real deal with shingles and gutters (why this is necessary? I dunno), the paint matched our bigger house. Kinda awesome and I enjoyed playing in it. Except that our dog was totally afraid of the doghouse and it quickly became overgrown inside with thorny weeds and such.
Our Dad also didn't want us playing underneath the deck (he again built our deck, very handy our Papa Nemmy) so he told us that he burried our first dog Molson underneath it so we wouldn't go under there. Kept me out for sure.
Onto the topic of commercials. I know it's a hockey blog, but does anyone here watch Met games on SNY? Hey, I'm Giuseppe Franco. GAH!
The KFC grilled wrap commercial gets me fired up. All the usual BS is annoying however what really grinds my gears is when they show the wrap being grilled its on a nice shiny silver grill and the lines of the grill are running up and down. UP & DOWN. However after they press it down on the wrap the grill marks on the wrap are going Diagonal across the wrap. don’t know why but that really bothers me. And SKIP I saw that dollar lettuce too... I thought subliminal advertising was illegal
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