Happy Friday

I'm just going to see where this one takes me.

I know many people are against the shootout to determine regular season winners. BUT if you spent money to go watch the Boston Bruins and Florida Panthers battle to a 0-0tie at the end of regulation I think you deserve to see a little show at the end. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy defensive battles and scoring chances and goalie duels. But to think that some parent spent $200+ bucks to take their kids to an ice hockey game without Savvy and Black Booth and didn't see one tally makes the shootout okay with me.

So my boss and I were partners in a company-sponsored beer pong tourney for all the credit trading guys. Everyone else was in suits and ties at Down the Hatch - yeah. Negative 1,000. Anyways since they made us partner up and sign up we thought there would be a structure and brackets and maybe a trophy. Wrong! We might as well have been drinking in Somalia. So my boss and I dominate and lose one game to 2 guys who didn't use the whole pitcher to fill their cups. I'm still salty about it. Here's my point/question:

We were down 2 cups to 1 at our final game and my boss and I go back to back hitting the final 2 cups. Now the team across from us had one cup to hit and they took their turn and one hit the final cup thinking they forced OT. Shouldn't we have gotten something for hitting back to back on the final 2 cups? I thought we should have gone again because we brought it back and if we hit a cup it would have been a walk off. It really doesn't matter because we were ossified and looking to go home. Don't get me started on people leaning over the table. If your tie is in your beer you need to step back. Why are you still wearing a tie????

Chris Neil has 60 PIM already. With some luck he'll go 250+ this season. That's why I have him on my fantasy roster. Look at his steak head. He wants to fight your mother. Every roster needs a PIM machine like Neil. You know what the difference between you and Chris Neil is? If Neil was in your seat he'd have a casein/whey mix in in that file cabinet. He wouldn't be excited for the premiere of Lopez Tonight and he wouldn't be wasting his day reading shitty hockey blogs.

I just got this email from my fiance:

"i just remembered that i really liked this song in high school. do you still want to marry me?"


Yikes

Scotty told me that the rumor floating around is that Kovy, Ovy, Gonchar, Malkin, etc. are all taking their time with injuries because they are saving themselves for Vancouver 2010. I'm sure there's nothing to it but the fact that team Russia may be up to shady ish makes this rumor awesome.

I was going to make a big deal that 2Man buddy, Vinny Bruiser picked up Jeff "the Truth" Tambellini in our fantasy league because the truth is a 2Man favorite. Vinny dropped him 4 hours after picking him up.

Who will be the first NHLer with a leaked sex tape?

92.3 used to be an awesome station in the New York area. They used to play rock music and have Howard Stern in the morning. Now it's top 40 no guitar Long Island girls with platform sandals BarNone bouncers and guys with gel drinking Corona shit. I'm at the gym from 8-9:30 a few days a week and some guy named Chunky on "92.3 Now" plays the same shit over and over. I'm sure Chunky is a good guy but every time I hear the Black Eyed Peas and Britney Spears back to back I want to break my face open.

So this kid DuckDude8 has a ton of videos on youtube where he's scoring on some goalie that is probably his little brother. The video is short and there's not much going on but I love how the goalie gets beat and stays on the ground the whole time.



Look at our current goalie options for Vancouver:
Ryan Miller leading in Save % and GAA. Timmy Thomas is tied for the lead in shutouts and Craig Anderson is tied for the lead in wins. Anderson is making everyone forget about John Quick.

Can someone explain that bear pong issue to me?

- Nemmy

What you missed last night because all the game were pretty much on at the same time

Sabres beat the Oilers, 3-1:
Plus - Ryan Miller
Minus - Why can't Ryan Miller get the shut-out?

Capitals beat the Islanders in the shoot-out, 5-4:
Plus - Semin's rip of a wrister 8 seconds in
Plus - Trent Hunters bar-and-in slap shot to tie the game
Minus - That was the most boring extended shoot-out I've ever seen.

Red Wings roll over the BJs 9-1:
Minus - Steve Mason in the first period
Minus - Putting Steve Mason back in the game
Minus - Bressler for making "Steve Mason is the new Andrew Raycroft" jokes
Plus - Todd Bertuzzi scoring like Holmstrom

Hawks beat the Sharks in the shoot-out, 3-2:
Plus - Craig Anderson still getting it done
Minus - Does Colorado have a back up?
Plus/Minus - All the goals for Chicago were high-short-side snipes

Kings beat the Hurricanes, 5-2:
Plus - Manny Legace's white helmet
Minus - Manny Legace's goaltending

Devils win over the Ducks, 3-1:
Plus - David Clarkson's goal

What you missed last night while you were cleaning your kitchen

It's Wednesday, so its time for mid-week Monsters!

Flames shut-out the Canadiens, 1-0: Dion Phaneuf - It would be easy to put down Kipper or Iggy as the Monster for this game, but Dion really did it all (besides score). He hit, ask Kopecky or Pacioretty. He put tons of shots on net. Great game Dion. Some good fights in this game, but I still don't understand the tackle after a big clean hit. Just wait a bit and then go get the guy.

Senators beat the Oilers in the shoot-out, 4-3: Alexie Kovalev - His game can be summed up in the shift in which he assistes on Cheechoo's goal (finally). I can't ever remember Kovalev forechecking, let alone hitting a d-man, then stealing the puck and feed the slot-crashing Cheechoo. There were other spots of briliance for Kovalev, but that stood out. And he scored in the shoot-out.

Wild win over the Leafs, 5-2: Nik Backstrom - Yea, he had plenty of offensive support, but the Leafs were kind of swarming last night and Backstrom made big and impressive and timely saves.

Blues roll over the Canucks, 6-1: David Perron - kid had a hat trick, enough said.

Bruins shut-out the Penguins, 3-0: Tim Thomas - guy had the shut-out. He can really thank his post as well. There was some sort of weird carrom off the glass that somehow defied the laws of physics after hitting the post.

Sharks beat the Predators, 4-3: Dan Boyle - He got the game winner on a ridiculous rush capped off with a rocket of a shot that went bar and in.

What you missed last night because you were sitting behind Scott Steven's huge head at the HOF inductions

Great speech from Brett Hull (my favorite player of all time)





Anyway, there was only one game last night:


Hawks beat the Kings, 4-1: It was kind of a slow game until the third. Troy Brouwer's power play goal was something that only a professional hockey team would plan to do and then execute. Patrick Sharp is on the hash marks with the puck and Troy Brouwer is set up in front with this stick to the outside of the net. Sharp, half sauces/half wristers the puck to the near side of the net, but wide, where only Brouwers sick tip puts it in the net. If Brouwer misses the puck, it goes wide harmlessly. There is no other play Sharp could be trying to make. It wasn't a shot on goal or even really a pass. WOW

Speaking of wow, heres a video sent by Canadien lover Frido (watch till the end):



Its in practice - but still impressive

Team USA vs Team Canada

Leonard and his thoughts on the capital markets:

During the Kings Hawks game last night me and Bress started going over the possible line combinations for both of these squads......interesting to say the least.

For the Americans...

Line 1
Kane Stastny Ryan

Line 2
Parise Gomer Gionta

Line 3
Cammalleri Kesler Kessel

Line 4
Brown Drury Langenbrunner

D 1
Suter Rafalski

D2
Komisarek Liles

D3
Wisniewski Martin

G - Miller - Thomas - Quick (Bress suggested Craig Anderson? If he keeps it up I guess so right?)

It's a solid squad and there are many other guys that could round the squad out at cut list time to make the best possible team Canada tree chopping menace around.

Team Canada

Line 1
Nash Crosby Iginla

Line 2
Getzlaf Thornton Heatley

Line 3
Lecavalier Staal Perry/Marleau

Line 4
Morrow Richards Doan (Maybe Jeff Carter is in there somewhere)

D1
Bouwmeester Phaneuf

D2
Pronger Green

D3
Weber (Keith, Reghyr, Doughty, Burns, Niedermayer)

G - Fleury - Brodeur - Luongo

Wow! Wow!


Congratulations to Nemy for getting engaged by the way....the next few pics should describe the whole thing in synopsis.

Liz Miller - our old college manager with an Assault Rifle

You tell me right now...looking at me in the face that the big league chew cover character was not modeled after the Body's role as Blain from Predator.

It's not Nemy but right?

- Barbone

I wish you the best...forever and always kid.

Friday Question - What the hell is going on with the Boston Bruins offense?

What does the 2Man Executive Committee have to say about Boston's offensive struggles?

Luke Richardson


"I think having Savard out with a broken foot screws up everything. Lucic isn't there to fish out pucks and get dirty in the crease and Savvy isn't there to set up the powerplay. Also I walked by the Yankees parade today. The last time I saw that many Hispanics in Yankees caps it was an unemployment line."

Max Cavalera


"We toured Boston with Soulfly when little Igor and Zyon were very young. Backstage at Ozzfest that year we were partying with some of the guys from Megadeth and Tool and I saw a girl take Crown Royal shots out of a human skull. Afterwards I watched Dave Ellefson perform oral on her while she was vomiting into a Marshall stack. That was by far the most offensive thing I've seen in Boston."

Kru Nestor Marte


"A good offense starts with your footwork. Don't give up your stance! It's jab-jab high kick then back into striking position. I'm confident that Boston can get back into scoring with concentration on footwork and balance. Also why are they paying Sturm and Bergeron so much money for? Shouldn't they pick up the scoring slack?"

Dennis "The Snake" Chalker


"Shortly after I returned from my first mission in Panama I went to a Bruins game. I was still nursing a flesh wound I received when our Huey took on small arms fire while the rest of the team was repelling into the jungle. I remember taking a shot into my backside and seeing white foam spray on Lt. Stevenson. The bullet happened to hit my can of shaving cream and it looked like I was made of marshmallows. Anyways I was surprised that Anson Carter was on a top line with Jason Allison. What kind of offensive production can you expect when those two are your top guys. Don't get me started on Dmitri Khristich."

Have a great weekend

- Nemmy

Bad Ideas

No preamble. Let's go.

Keeping the water bottles tied down
I've mentioned this before. The Gatorade holster that keeps the water bottles tied to the net is one of the worst ideas in recent memory. If a shooter jams one top shelf the goalie should be forced to skate over and replace the water bottle from the top of the net. If Ovy sends that bottle over the netting into the 400 level seats the goalie should have to go without water until the next TV timeout. The water bottle popping shot is one of the many quirky things that sets hockey apart from sports. It's our thing. Why is Gatorade taking that away from us? Bad idea.

Musicians doing acoustic versions of Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"
I'm sure I've mentioned this before because I haven't had an original idea in years. Why are people still covering this song? You can't possibly bring anything new to the table. Every jackass with an acoustic guitar gets in front of the bar and tries to render In Your Eyes with more emotion than the next guy. I saw a guy at Casey's bar in Stamford choke back tears while doing this song. After 45 minutes of "the light the heat blah blah blah" he just started screaming shit. That's what it has come to with this song. Screaming and emoting. Bad idea.



The bandeu top
Ladies, I understand you want to avoid strappy tan lines but trust me: get rid of this bikini. I can't think of anything that would make me less unexcited to look at boobs at the beach or in US weekly. Trust me, if you take a girl with great cans and put them in this top you are doing the entire world a great disservice. Let's not make the same mistake next summer. Let's get back to straps and nips and cleavage and side boob. Wrapping your tits up in two turbans is a bad idea.

Not having a salary cap
Congratulations to the New York Yankees for buying themselves a world championship. What a joke.

The distinct kicking motion
If you can kick a puck into the net you should get credit for it. For real. If Andy Sutton has your stick tied up outside the top the crease and you boot one past Marty Biron then you are awesome and it should absolutely count. If you can ninja punt a puck and make the water bottle pop then you should get credit for 1,000 goals. Disallowing goals because it didn't go off a stick and spending 5 minutes asking guys in Toronto if it was a kicking motion is such a bad idea.

The H1NI "Swine" flu
I caught a case of the swine flu last week and it knocked me on my ass. It's a bad idea to get the swine flu.

Keeping the Coyotes afloat
The Coyotes had a good run in the desert but if you can't afford to keep your lights on it's time to move on. Any time the league props up an organization it is a losing exercise. I was anti bailout when our Government took over shitty financials and big autos and I feel the same for insolvent hockey clubs. Sorry, Glendale.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were voting in any of the governor or mayor elections around the country

Lightning beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 2-1: Phil Kessel, whatever. He was impressive last night because he took a lot of shots? Alright Toronto media, I guess this is the honeymoon period. The vegas line for games until the Toronto media rips him for not scoring is 4.5. I'm taking the under. "The Monster" - I don't even care about remembering the Maple Leafs goalie's name - had a good game. The one goal he gave up was the result of 2 mistakes: First, he played the puck right to Matias Ohlund. Ohlund then ripped a low hard shot on net, that rebounded perfectly to Vinny Lecavalier. Whoever was doing color commented that Euro goalies have trouble playing the puck in smaller NHL rinks, but also, rebound angles are different as well. With Vinny's slow start, I'm surprised he hasn't fought more.

Thrashers beat the Canadiens, 5-4: If I was clever, this entire recap would be in French. I don't understand, was this game not broadcast in English anywhere? I think the next time this happens, I'm going to open a nice bottle of red and really explore the French space. This also makes me realize how important the play-by-play guy is.

Canucks win over the Rangers, 4-1: The line of Mason Raymond-Ryan Kesler-Rick Rypien might be the fast in the NHL. Also they need a nickname. I'm going with "The Law Firm." Think about it: "Raymond-Kesler-Rypien and Associates will represent you!" I'm sold.

Red Wings shut-out the Bruins, 2-0: Was this shut-out a result of a) Osgood turning the corner or b) the piss-poor Bruins offense? I'm going to say B with a little A sprinkled in. Osgood made some good saves and even 1 or 2 great ones, but the Bruins miss Sarvard and no one else is really stepping up consistently for their scoring.

Penguins beat the Ducks, 4-3: I think the Ducks have to make a decision with their goaltending. Pick a starter already and trade the other one. Nashville, Toronto, Florida (maybe), and Detroit (eventually) are probably looking for tenders.